I think I’m having an identity crisis. Today, I test drove a minivan. And I liked it. Now I have minivan-ity.
I swore I would never be a minivan driver. To be a minivan driver is to admit that I am first and foremost a mother (imagine my face twisted in disgust!). I see a slippery slope that leads to pajama wearing at the bus stop and a complete disregard for hair and makeup. I immediately went home and threw on some joggers, a leather jacket and my chucks. My kids call the jacket my rock n’ roll jacket! I was cool again.
But I can’t stop guiltily thinking about the minivan.
It was such a smooth ride. So much room. Really comfortable looking for the kids. And enough room in the back so that you wouldn’t feel claustrophobic when strapped into the third row. Unlike the cooler version of the minivan: the 8 passenger SUV, that I also test drove. I mean, that thing was a dream too, but have you ever been in the wayback of one of those? My heart rate speeds up just thinking about it. Talk about tight quarters!
I mean, I could probably rock the minivan. When I was in high school, my first car was a van and it was cool. Mostly, I think, because my friends were so happy that we could all ride together when headed to those Phish shows…
Maybe my friends would still think my minivan was cool. Maybe people would say, “we’ll use Maggie’s car, she has plenty of space.” But instead of a Phish show, we would head to the playground, or the children’s museum, or something “kiddier”.
Or maybe they would say, “huh? I can’t believe Maggie got a minivan. She is usually so much cooler than that.” Maybe I could no longer pull off my joggers and leather jacket look. Maybe I’m too old for that.
Wait!! Am I too old for that look? But it’s so comfy and stylish. I thought it was cool. Am I trying too hard? Oh my God. I’m losing my mind.
Maybe I need to get some mom jeans and some sweater sets and call it a day. Mom jeans are in, right? I better get myself a Talbot’s card or head on over to Coldwater Creek for a new capsule wardrobe. I guess my H&M days are over.
Order up some under-eye cream and scrape off my bunions. I am no longer cool.
I’m just a middle-aged minivan driver.
But maybe, just maybe I could be cool in a minivan. Maybe I could bring the coolness back. Like mom jeans (but you seriously won’t see me in those!).
This. Just. In. The MINIVAN makes a COMEBACK!
Tonight, at dinner, I heard myself making a case for the minivan over dinner. “You can use it like a truck!” I said. “It’s way bigger than the trunk of the SUV,” I said. “It just makes so much sense,” I said. “Think how much easier it will be to travel and carpool to dance classes and the gas mileage is better than the SUV.” What. Is. Happening. To. Me.
Yup. Definitely a mid-life crisis. Next thing you know, the husband will be buying a sports car and hair plugs, and we’ll be looking at retirement communities.
On second thought- nobody probably cares about what I do. Nobody probably even thinks about it. So don’t be surprised if you see me driving a minivan.
But, I’m not giving up my leather jacket.