Let’s face it. Our children should come with warning labels. Beware: Kids are Dangerous. We’ve all suffered mom injuries, and I’m not even talking about the trauma of childbirth.
Oh, no. I’m referring to the unforeseen mom injuries we sustain once our previously immobile infants morph into head-butting, landmine-leaving menaces.
When we are pregnant with our first child, everyone warns us about impending parenthood. Instead, they should buy us helmets, mouth guards, and full body armor. What do kids who can walk and talk mean for unsuspecting and often unprepared moms? Bodily harm!
This month, I’ve gathered and cataloged the worst of the worst mom injuries from our blog writers and owners. If you can relate, ouch! We’re sorry, and we’ll see you at the dentist, the chiropractor, or the emergency room.
We Have Our Dentists on Speed Dial
“My son threw his head back, hitting a glass I was drinking out of, chipping my front tooth! I had to get it filled by the dentist.”
“My kid cracked my tooth with a head bonk. Sigh.”
“My two-year-old son stood on a changing table with me holding him lightly by the waist. He suddenly and without warning jumped up as high as he could, nailing me under the chin with his giant head and displacing the disc in my right jaw joint. I now have temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMD) and wear a splint in my mouth 24/7, including eating with it. I even do physical therapy – for my jaw! It’s actually a thing! My dentist said the impact mirrored getting hit in the jaw with a sledgehammer.”
We Look Like Professional Boxers
“I’ve had countless bruised eyes and nose from the boys throwing their heads back (either in random toddler wildness or temper tantrums).”
“The other night I went to kiss my daughter goodnight. She was facing away from me and didn’t see me lean down, and at the same time she threw her head back and hit my mouth. I cut the inside of my lip on my teeth. It started bleeding immediately, and I had a fat lip for a week.”
“We were teaching my son how to skip rocks, and he threw one at my face, slicing my forehead and giving me a black eye.”
“I dreaded cutting my kids’ fingernails and toenails when they were babies and toddlers. At least one per session always flew into my eye. I stood under the lights in the bathroom trying to locate it and fish it out. On a weekly basis, I had bloodshot eyes.”
“My son once threw a snowball at me from behind while I was kneeling and didn’t expect it, and it was ice. It sliced the side of my nose open, which wouldn’t stop bleeding.”
“I tripped on a Lego once and fell down the stairs, spraining my ankle.”
“I majorly bruised my big toe when getting my daughter out of her vibrating chair because I managed to walk into the chair’s metal leg, positioning it right between my toes. I guess I kind of tripped when it happened and tried to catch myself with my toes still around the bar because it yanked the rest of my foot in the opposite direction of my toe. My big toe was so swollen I limped on it and had to tape it for a week.”
Our Limbs Go Numb
“Right now, I have to go to the chiropractor because my son is so big. Having carried him around for two years, it has caused carpal tunnel in my wrists, and my arms go numb!”
Our Attempts at Birth Control are Thwarted
“This Christmas, my daughter, out of excitement about her gifts, gave me a running, jumping hug. She accidentally kneed me in the stomach – hard – and bruised the whole area around my new IUD. I swear I could feel the shape of the IUD bruised perfectly into my uterus. She also dislodged it. I had pain for several days until I finally had it removed and went back on birth control pills.”
Dad Injuries Happen, Too
“The other night my oldest son was on the bed about to jump off and hit my husband with a pillow. When he jumped, he brought the pillow down too soon and wound up slamming his head into my husband’s head instead. Oops!”
What about all of you? Any Mom (or Dad) injuries to share?