I think back to the days when my husband and I first met – when I would stare at his face admiringly for hours and hours. I recall wanting to spend every waking second with him and just cuddling on the couch. We had the freedom to go out dancing or to dinner and a movie any time we wanted and I think I took that for granted.
As the years have gone on (almost 6) and life has gotten more complicated and busier – we have lost touch with those days and the feelings we had. We moved into a bigger house so we could start a family and realized that wasn’t going to be as easy as we had hoped. We foraged forward through IVF and were blessed with two little boys.
All of my dreams have come true? Yes and No.
Yes – we have the most amazing family and children that I just adore and want to spend every waking second with – well – not EVERY waking second. No – I miss the simplicity of the way we as a couple used to be. The kids became our priority – as it should be – but we, as a couple, got lost. How can you have it both ways?
Resentments build up over the years, the walls go up, and we drift further apart from each other. We each snip at each other and I lose my husbands trust as I start to drift away from him. We seem like we have it all together from the outside – but honestly – we don’t.
But now we are trying. We are talking to someone about better ways to communicate with each other and listen to each other. We both want to get back to the way things used to be or at least close to it. We know the honeymoon stage is over but there is no reason we can’t live happily ever after – it’s just going to take more effort than I realized. I am far from perfect and I am sorry for any things I have said or done to hurt my husbands feelings – intentional or not. We are both willing to put the work in because we love each other and made a life commitment to each other.