It seems like once you are married, everyone starts asking you when you are having a baby. Then once you have a baby, everyone wants to know when you will have another baby?
The short answer: NEVER!
Ok, maybe that was a little aggressive, but seriously I don’t plan on having another baby (sorry Aunt Deena!).
I assume people ask this question out of good intentions. Maybe they have multiple kids and love it; maybe they can’t fathom the idea of only having one child. Maybe they were an only child and didn’t like it or they have siblings and loved it. Maybe they just assume everyone has the American dream of a house with a white picket fence, a dog and 2.2 kids.
Growing up I don’t know that I ever had this dream. I always remember my sister talking about wanting a brood of kids, like 4 or 5, but I never had those same dreams. Sure I always assumed I would get married and have kids but when I pictured my future it was not focused on that. (side note- this in no way is an opinion on what types of dreams we should have as young girls just simply my experience).
Of course, what you dream as a kid changes as you grow but even as an adult, my husband and I have made the decision to only have one baby. It’s a decision that came fairly easy but certainly not without some thought.
Here are some reasons I’m ok with one:
Trying to get pregnant is stressful. Or at least for me it was. It was two and a half years and one miscarriage that I don’t wish to go through again. Yes, I know other people go through a much harder journey with infertility and still have multiple kids. I just know for me, it took me to a place I don’t want to be again.
I did not enjoy pregnancy. I had no complications so I can’t complain there, but morning sickness? Ha, that’s a joke! Try 24-hours of nausea and/or vomiting for 5 months. Was it worth it for my beautiful baby girl? Sure. Would I definitely go through this same experience a second time? Maybe not. Do I want to chance it? NO.
I like to travel. Some may think this is a selfish reason. I know, who doesn’t like to travel? Traveling can be expensive. I have a step-son, so having one baby already made us a family of four. I don’t think we could afford to travel as a family of 5 or 6 or more. I’ve loved the trips we’ve taken with my step-son. I want to be able to do that with my daughter as well. It may not be the main reason, but it was certainly a factor.
College is expensive. Right now we’ll have 14 years in between sending someone to college, should that be their choice. I’m not saying we’ll be able to pay for their full college tuition, but we’ll certainly be in a better portion to help.
Life in general can be expensive. Everyone leads a certain lifestyle, with their own expenses and reasons for those expenses. Kids add to those expenses. We just knew adding only one baby to our family was going to feel most comfortable for us.
My sister is going to have multiple kids. Being a parent can be difficult, being an aunt is all the fun stuff. Plus my daughter has a cousin who is 10 months younger than her. Sisters can be an amazing built-in best friend but can’t cousins? OK so maybe this wasn’t really a factor, but hey it doesn’t hurt.
And the most important reason:
I just only want one. I’ve never been set on the idea of having multiple and so when my husband also only wanted one (or I guess only one more for him) I was more than ok with that. When other women hold newborns and joke oh this makes my ovaries ache, that never happens to me. Sure when I hold a sweet newborn it sometimes makes me miss the days of my daughter being a snuggly, sleepy newborn, but the key there is it only makes me nostalgic of the days of my daughter being that tiny. It in no way makes me want to go through it again.
I love people with big families, I love people with small families, I love people with no kids. I just know for me one is the right choice.