Well, the season of holiday fails is upon us, friends. The pressure to cook, create, and concoct amidst time constraints and cranky in-laws apparently is a real-life recipe for disaster.
This month, I gathered our writers’ best stories of holidays past to help you feel less alone when the turkey hits the fan and the yule log catches the curtains on fire. Enjoy!
The Sushi is Served
“I served my in-laws raw salmon one year for New Year’s Eve dinner. The recipe said to bake for 14 minutes, and I don’t eat or cook much fish, so I didn’t know what it was supposed to look like when it was done.”
Timers are For Sissies
“I am constantly roasting veggies juuust a little too long. I’ll open the oven, decide I want them a little crispier and then BOOM, all of a sudden I have a tray of char-broiled veggies that make my house smell gross. I realize that I could set a timer but I think I need a timer to remember to set a new timer or something.”
Just Curious: Is it Bath Night at Your House?
“I made unicorn slime for my daughter’s birthday last month. It didn’t slime as much as it should have, and it was too gluey. I decided to throw it out… but only after one of her friends got it stuck all over her hands, clothes, hair, and in her shoes.”
More Felt = More Fails
“Pinterest fail… or brimming with character??”
OMG WTF Beef Stew
“So… someone handed out bouillon cubes this Halloween! Fail? Or genius?”
Gigabytes of Plastic Chicken
“My husband works in computers, has an insane vocabulary, is well-read, and can fix just about anything. None of that prevented him from trying to roast a chicken that was still in its plastic packaging.”
“I once put two tablespoons of baking soda in a cake instead of teaspoons, and the whole thing exploded when I opened the door to the oven. It was everywhere!”
“Last year we kept checking on the turkey… not ready, not ready, not ready… ‘Why does this still look pink?! Actually, it looks like dark meat, right?’ That’s when my mom said, ‘Uh, guys, your turkey is upside down’.”
I Think I Know Who Handed Out the Bouillon Cubes This Year
“The first time I tried to make lentil stew it called for 4 cups of beef broth and 1 cup of red wine. I put 4 cups of wine and 1 cup of broth! It was boozy stew after that!”
Pinterest says, “Happy Birthday!”
Like a Bath Bomb With a Surprise Inside!
“My dad cooked a turkey with the plastic bag of giblets still inside…”
I Like My Fail Cake Medium-Rare
“My sister-in-law broiled a cake instead of baking it. It was all gooey and weird.”
Seasoned With Sea Salt Glass
“My husband put the casserole dish directly onto the hot stove-top, and it shattered. He then tried to salvage some of the food out of it.”
The Best Cookies Take Twice as Long to Make
“Back before my children were born, I was making chocolate chip cookies at my husband’s request. I wasn’t paying enough attention and thought I was adding the sugar when I was adding the salt and added the salt when I thought I was adding sugar (the canisters we had at the time weren’t that much different in size, but I just didn’t bother to look at the actual substances I was adding). I took one bite when the cookies came out and figured out what I had done. I threw them out and started over.”