Most women yearn for long, luscious locks. On their heads, that is. No one wants shiny, healthy, long body hair.
I have fought a battle against body hair ever since I hit fifth grade. Before that, I had hairy arms and legs, that I was blissfully unconcerned about, just like I was unaware of my dubious choice in clothing. I am so jealous of men. If they forget to shave their face, they just end up with sexy stubble. Women, on the other hand, spend large amounts of time and money to keep body hair at bay. I wish that I could go back to being unconcerned about body hair. I also wish I had enough time and money to try laser hair removal. Since I don’t, I have to deal with hair removal as best I can.
Here are the main focuses of my body hair maintenance regime:
Why do eyebrows have to require so much work? If I leave mine alone for too long, I end up looking like an angry muppet. I wish I could say that my full eyebrows are a fashion statement, but they’re not. Actually, I just lack the patience to maintain thinner brows. I like that I can use a pair of tweezers at home, but it is just so easy to make a mistake when plucking eyebrows. Then you end up with lopsided brows. If you try to even them out, it usually ends up even worse. I would get my eyebrows waxed, but I’m too lazy to make an appointment and too cheap to pay someone for this service.
To my understanding, facial hair is just a polite way of saying upper lip hair, or the dreaded mustache or even sideburns or lady beard. In middle school, I bleached my mustache. It was terrible. A girl called me out on my newly blond mustache the very next day. I have also tried hair removal cream. Sometimes it works great and other times it gives me an unattractive and painful chemical burn. Now I just resort to my handy tweezers. No pain, no gain, right?
I have also read that it is a trend now for women to shave their faces. What?! Apparently, shaving is a great way to exfoliate your skin. According to Cosmopolitan, even Marilyn Monroe and Elizabeth Taylor shaved their faces. All I can picture is Fiona and Shrek shaving their faces side by side on their honeymoon.
While I’m not a fan of winter, I am always happy to wear long sleeves. Then I don’t have to worry about my arm hair. Thanks to my delightful genetics, I grow long, thick, arm hair. I was teased mercilessly in school. By middle school, I tried shaving my arms. It’s not easy to shave around elbows. Also, arm hair stubble is not attractive. In high school, I discovered hair removal cream. I promptly gave myself some nasty chemical burns. I don’t even remember what lame excuse I used for that fiasco. Now, I am much better with using hair removal cream properly so that I don’t burn myself. Too often. It takes a fair amount of time, but you don’t need to do it too often. I use the hair remover more often in the summer because rubbing sunscreen into arm hair is terrible.
Why are armpits so hard to shave? Most days, I feel like a contortionist in my shower. I also feel like my armpit hair grows at a fantastic rate. Annoyingly, I have to shave them every day. I definitely don’t want the mess of applying deodorant over armpit stubble. Additionally, razor burn is terrible in your armpits. Is there a better method for hair removal out there that I am missing?!
Leg hair. It’s easy to ignore over the winter, but leg hair rears its ugly head again in spring and summer. I have been shaving my legs since fifth grade. It’s easy and relatively cheap, but it takes so much time! I tried waxing my legs once, but it didn’t go well. Ow! I haven’t been brave enough to try again. At least shaving my legs gives me an excuse to take longer showers!
Don’t even get me started about pubic hair. It is so difficult to deal with it. If you shave your pubic hair, you risk nasty cuts and razor burn. On the other hand, waxing is expensive and painful. Also somewhat embarrassing. Pubic stubble is just not attractive. I don’t think there are really any good options for removing pubic hair. You just have to pick the lesser of the evils.
Random Other Hair
I hate that as you age, you get random hairs in random places. For example, I have a scar under my chin which for some reason grows a dark hair. I have to remember to check it periodically and pluck out the one stray hair. After childbirth, I noticed that I had grown new hair on my neck too. What on earth?! I was not happy. I didn’t know how to deal with the weird neck hair, but luckily it went away on its own. I’m chalking that one up to weird hormones. Furthermore, I’m not looking forward to sprouting more random hair as I get older. I’m hoping that I will be old enough to no longer care when that happens. Either that or I hope my friends will have no longer be able to see well enough to notice any body hair!
What are your hair removal tricks? How do you keep the body hair at bay?